taking it slow in your relationships

Women say that most guys are desame, though that statement is very wrong, but it has its truth embedded in the fact that most men feel it as a compulsion to rush things immediately the emotions of love overtake them. A certain belief system has been brewed into certain guys where they believe that the proof that their relationship can last with a particular girl is based on her exploits on bed while having sex. But unfortunately, as easy and as logical as that belief system seems, it is never the best decision to make and like Andrew Grimsly wrote , it can lead to more problems than it does solutions.

The urge to rush when you feel as though you have found the "one" is nothing new. In Wilbur Smith’s Blue Horizon, he described a culture of the bushmen tribe of southern and eastern Africa, how marriage can take place within the blink of an eye, all that is needed is just simple attraction between both parties and the ability of the male to be able to fend for his incoming family vis-avis his new wife. Even our history books has certain records of love at first sight and marriage within seconds of meeting, while this may always work in tales or romantic literature, it may not necessarily work out fine in real life.

This occurs because most times books, history etc can be likened to an economic model which is basically an abstraction from reality. Therefore whatever is an abstract can never be as comprehensive as an original.

You may want to consider taking a slower approach in your current or next relationship, if you have been through any of the reasons below:

- Have had several sexual partners and found this unfulfilling or regretted your actions.

- Feel that you fall in love too easily.

- Feel as though you have miisjudged your past partners and possibly suffered in the process.

- Have been in a series of unsuccessful relationships.

The above reasons would give you insight into why several things have gone wrong in your past attempts to find happiness, as it were. When a person meets someone that they feel is special, it is always very difficult to find logic in your thought pattern. In most cases, especially when there is a romantic entanglement, people often let their feelings to govern their actions. And as someone once said, feelings are fickle, they can change at anytime, so if by any chance, you now base your happiness on a decision that would obviously be entwined with your emotions on feelings, you are doing yourself more harm than good,

.

So how do you take it Slow?

This is a tricky question, so I would not pretend to or claim that I have all the answers to the sensitive nature of questions that would be asked here. I will highlight different issues that are important if you want to take it slow in your relationships.

- Sex: this has become routine for certain people, while it is a hobby for others, but for whatever reason, it is still regarded as sacred to some people, because becoming intimate with another person can have tremendous effect on your relationship. Like the example that I cited when I began this article, some men and even some women would judge the length of the relationship based on the performance of at sex. So it is important to ask the right questions before you go down that road with the individual. There are some people who are not generally excited about sex and there are some that have an insatiable sexual urge that always needs to be fed.

- Contact: there are some people who enjoy the petty talks, the long phone call conversations, the incessant blackberry pinging etc, this category of people naturally enjoy having the attentionn of their spouses at all times, as fantastic as this may seem, it is rather bad because this at most times causes the relationship to burn out faster than candles. So it is advised that you should learn how to set aside time for yourself, because contrary to the opinion of your spouse that seemingly wants your attention at every opportunity, not allowing personal time would only put a great strain in your relationship. And while making this decisions, always bear in mind the fact that, if this individual is supposed to be your own, you’ll have more than enough time to spend together eventually.

- Future: some people do not like talking about their future, especially when it concerns such issues as marriage, where the relationship is heading etc... this sets of people tend to think only about the moment, they are the “take it as it comes kind of people.” Some of them dont even believe in the future because they are afraid. While the opportunity to think about the future with your partner may be exciting, reality still states that there are several things that still needs to be done before you can allow your thoughts to travel that far. Take your time to know that person, know everything that you need to know about the individual before you start making serious plans that can be terminated if the person does not live up to your expectation eventually.

When you are able to figure out exactly what you want, life has more meaning because it’ll seem as if you have a blueprint for living your life. You would be able to discern quickly between right and wrong. Whatever your decision is, remember that taking it slow would not kill you, it would only allow you to assess things in a dimension that you had not looked at before.

Ojuola Tolulope Daniel

(c) Copyright 2011-10-29.